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VALUE U - Valuing myself was something that took years for me to discover and learn to do. In fact, to this day, I evaluate and examine myself and the relationships I am engaged in to determine whether I am being valued or devalued.I believe this is an extremely important topic for men and woman! However, for today's thoughts, I will focus my attention to my single sisters.Generally speaking, most women are naturally nurturing, giving and compassionate. And these qualities are without doubt, God given. However, as with anything God has ordained, the adversary desires to contaminate or to pervert it.In my 30 years of ministry speaking with and counseling women - coupled with my own personal experiences, I have come to the conclusion that from time to time women need to have a 'sista to sista' talk with someone who is seasoned and possesses great wisdom. I hope this discussion will fall in to that category for you.I am concerned. I am very concerned about the single women (in the body of Christ) who are allowing themselves to be DEvalued in male/female relationships. I understand the statistical data which says that educated, single, professional women FAR out number educated, single, professional men (especially within the Black community). This reality has caused many women to look outside their ethnicity for possible companionship/marriage, which I have no problem with.The problem, however, that I am having is with our women who feel as though they must compromise their integrity, morals and values in order, at least, to be able to say, "I've got a man."Do you remember your mother or grandmother saying, "Why buy the cow if you can get the milk free?" This was usually stated to encourage young women to save themselves sexually for marriage. I would like to pose a question.As a young woman, what is MY milk? Is my milk limited to sexual intercourse? Here's some food for thought. There is far more a wife provides her husband in addition to sexual intimacy that is priceless and valuable and that should not be freely given away.One young lady was being pursued by a gentleman who, after a week or two of talking (not dating - just talking), began asking her why she never cooked anything for him. He wanted her to begin cooking meals for him, decorating his office, organizing his business and (eventually) to begin becoming physically involved. Never did any of his conversations speak to what he desired to provide her.In another situation, the young lady [in a new relationship] found that she was always the one making the phone calls and sending the emails to her male friend. They lived in different states, so her phone bill began growing while he rarely ever found the time to initiate ANY calls to her!Listen, your 'milk' as grandma called it includes more than physical involvement. God wants his women of God to place a HIGH value on all the other 'perks' of marriage that wives provide as well. An exorbitant amount of time spent, your cooking skills, cleaning skills, strong communication skills, organizational skills and intuitive skills are ALL valuable and should come with a HIGH price tag. As women, [especially women of God], we must be acutely aware of the enemy's desire to drain us of our priceless resources.Certainly, if you are dating or courting and are in a committed, mutually exclusive relationship with a young man who is investing just as much in the relationship as you are, proceed as the Lord directs. However, if you find yourself in a situation where you are the one constantly doing, giving, calling, emailing, reaching out, making yourself available and he rarely ever reciprocates the same - you, my dear, are in what I call a "One Sided Relationship" and he is getting 'the milk' free without benefit of buying 'the cow'.This word is for someone!! I can always tell when the Lord is compelling me to write to His people on a HIGH priority issue. Young lady, whoever you are and wherever you are - KNOW that God has placed GREAT value on you and He has a Man of God tailored just for you who will not be a 'taker' only, but a 'giver' as well. From this day forward - STOP!!! There is a book on the market entitled "He's Just Not That Into You." Although this is not a 'Christian' book - it provide women with a sober, realistic view of how many men think. The book says, "If he's not asking you out, answering your calls, returning your emails or doesn't want to marry you - He's just not that into you and it would behoove you to MOVE ON!"As a woman, I know that women have a tendency to hope and imagine and dream. And there is nothing wrong with any of these things. However, at the end of the day, at the end of the week, at the end of the month and at the end of the year you find that all you are left with are your hopes, dreams and wishes and the man in your mind has not done anything substantial to indicate you and he are on the same page - what you are holding on to is a 'fantasy'. .Far too often we give men too many excuses - - - A real man (man of God especially) who sincerely values you will do everything within his power to ensure you are clear on his intentions toward you. He will value your time, your attention and your attentiveness by INVESTING his time, attention and attentiveness.As this year winds down and we prepare ourselves to cross over into 2008, remember one thing my dear sisters -
VALUE U
VALUE U
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